Heartburn Haunting
by The SkyWolves
Summary: Jonouchi is visited by several spirits who teach him the sin of spicy food.
1. I Told You So

LUKE: Okay, okay! I KNOW I've not posted any new chapters of "Blackmail" in eons. GOMEN NASAI!!! I've just been so busy, and there's the fact that my brilliant mind can't hold only one idea in it. TOO MANY IDEAS!!!!! WAH! This is a TOTALLY NEW fic, and it's just one I came up wham-bam-boom like that. WAH! *crickets chirping* Anooooooooo, where's the shonen-ai? SHOOOOOOOOOOOONEN-AAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIII? Moshi moshi? AAH! This fic isn't meant to have any shonen-ai in it. Sorry for those that like shonen-ai, but this one will have NO ROMANCE except mentions of Honda(Tristan) and Shizuka(Serenity)'s wedding. But even that's in the name of humor. Hope you like! Sorry if the paragraphing is screwed.  
  
SUMMARY: Jonouchi is visited by four frightening spirits- in the forms of Anzu, Pegasus, Kaiba, and Honda- after eating too much chili-covered pizza. PG for language.  
  
DISCLAIMER: Do we? NO! 'Nuff said!  
  
Heartburn Haunting  
  
Chapter I: I Told You So.  
  
"Jonouchiiiiiii..."  
  
"Jonoooooouchiiiiiiiii."  
  
"BAKA! WAKE UP!"  
  
"Wha-? I'm up, I'm up!" Jonouchi Katsuya rolled over in bed- more accurately, out of bed. Groaning, he held his head, but that pain was soon overshadowed by that of his stomach.  
  
"About time, Jonouchi! I don't know how long I was waiting for you to notice."  
  
"Notice what?"  
  
"That you're having indigestion." What? Now Jou was confused- wait, isn't that typical?  
  
"Wha-? Yeah, I guess you're right. But hold it- what the hell are you doing in this dump, Anzu?"  
  
A loud, booming thundercrash shattered the silence- and Jonouchi's nerves, and Anzu- or what looked like her- began to laugh. No, not just a laugh, a LAUGH. An evil, diabolical, piss-your-pants-freaky type of maniacal cackling. "Foolish being! I am not your friend, Anzu. I am merely assuming her form!"  
  
"Anooooooooo, why?" The- spirit, ghost, hallucination, whatever- stopped the psychotic laughter, and gave the blond a death glare.  
  
"Because it is a form you are familiar with."  
  
"Why not Yug'?"  
  
"Anoo, moshi moshi, baka no baka! I needed a form that inspired some fear- minimal, you understand, don't want to underscore the other spirits." Jonouchi began to shake.  
  
"WHAT? Sp-sp-spirits? FEAR? That's it! I'm gonna get Yug', he'll be able to wake me up. Yeah, that's it. It's just a dream! Yeah!" Suddenly, he wound up on the floor, courtesy of a large wooden mallet.  
  
"Dream? Get real, Jonouchi. This is VERY real. And you WILL be visited by spirits, three to be exact." Jou breathed a sigh of relief.  
  
"Okay. At least there's one down!"  
  
"Oh, sorry. I guess I didn't make it clear that I'm not one of them. There's three more BESIDES ME!" Jonouchi screamed, and clutched at Anzu- well, the apparition that looked like her-'s skirt. Mallet time! "Get your hands away from there!"  
  
"WhatamIgonnadowhatamIgonnadowhatamIgonnado?????" He began sobbing like a child.  
  
"Baka. Do you have any idea why I'm here?"  
  
"Anoooooooooooooooo, to warn me about the spirits?" Mallet time!  
  
"BAKA! Remember that damned chili-soaked pizza you ate?" Jou scratched his head, struggling to remember. "Oh, Kamisama. Of course you don't! Well, you ate a damned chili-soaked pizza. You have indigestion. You know, at the party, you were warned not to eat so much! Anzu- that is, 'I' told you so!" And the ghost was right. Jonouchi's stomach was making him feel like ralphing- not that being scared to death would help it settle. "My colleagues and I are here to warn you against situations in which you might get heartburn."  
  
"Fine by me. So leave. I don't wanna barf on you."  
  
"Very well. But remember, you will be visited by my associates. Don't get TOO comfy." And Jonouchi was already asleep by the end of that sentence, mumbling about doughnuts again.  
  
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LUKE: That's obviously just the beginning. I plan on this being five chapters long. Please review, and I hate to sound like a suckup, but would you please read our other fics? Most are yaoi, and some might be offensive, but I'd really like some feedback. 


	2. Eyeball Soup, Anyone?

LUKE: Hello! Updating "Blackmail" finally! YAAAAAY! *crickets chirping* Ugh, damn bugs! DIE!!! DIE!!! DIE!!! *crickets squished*. There. That's better.   
  
DISCLAIMER: I came, I saw, I manga-ed. But I didn't draw Yu-Gi-Oh! Sooooooooo, I don't own it! Neither does any other SkyWolf. Or you, for that matter.  
  
Heartburn Haunting  
  
Chapter II: Eyeball Soup, Anyone?  
  
"Well, well, well! I'd advise you to wake up, Jonouchi! We've a busy, busy night! Wake up!" The white haired spirit- and no, I don't mean Yami Bakura- tapped the sleeping boy on the head, before flicking his ear.  
  
"Aah! What the-? YAAAH! PEGASUS!" Yes, it's our DEAR, DEAR friend Pegasus J. Crawford! Or rather, a being who looked like him.  
  
"Well, finally! Let's go!" He grabbed Jonouchi's arm, but the boy resisted.  
  
"Hey, get yer filthy hands offa me, ya perv! I'm not going anywhere!"  
  
"On the contrary, my boy, you are. We are going somewhere, and I'm rather certain you'll recognize it."  
  
"I'm not goin' anywhere! Especially not with- wait. I thought Pegasus was dead! AAAAAH! GHOST!!!!!" The apparition slapped his forehead, and rolled his eyes.  
  
"No, my boy, I'm not a 'ghost,' really. I'm far more of a fiend. But I'm not even Pegasus. I'm the Fiend of Indigestion Past! You can call me 'Pastie!'"  
  
"Yeah, well you can call me 'passed out!' Bai-bai!" And Jou flopped down onto the bed, trying to sleep.  
  
"Oh, no, my boy. We've got SO much to do! I don't want to make you late for my friends!" Crap. Jou had forgotten the other spirits!  
  
"I'm not going, and that's that!"  
  
"Fine, have it your way. I'll just bring it to you!" And with a snap of his bony fingers, "Pastie" abruptly transformed Jonouchi's room into a dining room! A dining HALL, rather. The Duelist Kingdom Castle dining hall, to be exact!  
  
"YAAAH! How the- AAAH!"  
  
"Remember how you ate what your friend Anzu called the 'eyeball soup?' Remember what happened after?"  
  
"Yeah, I rememb- anoooooooo, no I don't! What happened?"  
  
The spirit sighed, and snapped his fingers again. "Here. Maybe this will refresh your memory!"  
  
"Glazes, and crullers, mmm, *mumble mumble*, GIGANTIC DONUT!!!"  
  
"Hey, that's me! Jeez, am I that loud in my sleep?"  
  
"Only when you have gas or heartburn. With heartburn, you yell out. With gas, I'm not going to say!" Jou turned green.  
  
"Okay, I'm loud. So what?"  
  
"That's not the problem. THAT is!" And "Pastie" grabbed Jonouchi by the shoulders and spun him.  
  
"Bandit Keith! UGH! I hate that guy!"  
  
They watched as the American punk stole the Glory of King's Hand card stashed in Jonouchi's jacket pocket. "Jeez, I didn't notice?"  
  
"You were asleep! And, when you're having indigestion, you CAN'T be woken. Trust me, the only reason we can is because we're extra-wakey."  
  
"That baka! Damn you, Keith, when I get my hands on you, I'm gonna..." Jonouchi was raving about the theft of his card. "Pastie" began to rub his temples, and returned them to Jonouchi's room. Picking up the mallet left by the Anzu spirit, he bashed Jonouchi HARD with it.  
  
"Sheesh. Loud kid."  
  
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LUKE: Okidoki, get the point? REVIEW, PEOPLE! REVIEW, or I will NEVER SHUT UP about it! Wait, I won't shut up anyway! Hope you liked! NO FLAMES, or Bast will use them (She was a fire-goddess). WHEE! 


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